On 15th September 2020, I have been married to Keerthi for two years. We have known each other from our college and have been together ever since.
I thought I would take some time to reflect on our relationship. In this blog post, I am trying to write down some honest thoughts on our relationship.
Disclaimer: This is not relationship advice. I believe relationships are like startups. What works for one might not work for another. Make mistakes, get hurt, and most importantly, learn from those mistakes.
What changed after marriage?
I thought life after marriage would be boring. We have been together for a long time. We thought we knew everything about each other. I have never been more wrong.
Every day, we would discover new things about each other. Sometimes small, sometimes large. But surprises never ceased.
One probable reason for this is the fact that people change. And probably should change.
If you have been with someone for a decade, especially starting from the teenage, you probably have been with at least two versions of one person.
We started together in college. We started young. I am proud of what we have done professionally. More importantly, I am happy with what kind of people we have become.
There have always been ups and downs. Both of us have made terrible mistakes along the way(mostly me). Things that we are not proud of.
But we acknowledged our mistakes. We learned and unlearned things. We kept course-correcting along the way.
It is not perfect, but at least we are on the right path.
It is ok to change
We all struggle with limitations. Some we are willing to accept, and some we are not. It is never too late to grow in life.
“Love me as who I am” – is an excuse most of the time. It does not apply to things that are wrong with you. I am not the same person I was ten years ago.
Some changes happen naturally. A few others, you have to force.
It does not mean change altogether.
Your partner is the one who loves you without judgment and celebrates your imperfections. But there is nothing wrong with trying to fix the imperfections you have. You grow together through that.
We all have our problems. It is what you signed up for. If there are imperfections that irritate you, let your partner know. Never keep it to yourself and let it grow.
It is normal to have habits that irritate each other.
Hard times bring out the worst in you.
It is ok to be boring. Life is made up of boring things
Movies and media have successfully created the idea of a perfect relationship that is far from the truth.
Real life begins, where the movies end. We have done exciting things in life. Built a startup, traveled to a bunch of new places. But that is only a tiny percentage of what makes up our daily life.
The majority of daily life consists of boring things. You repeat these boring things with care until you die. And that is ok. The key is, falling in love with the boring parts of life. You want to find someone with whom you can be bored.
Cook food, clean your house, move houses, pay bills, deal with bureaucracy – the list of unsexy things goes on. Nobody posts these things on Instagram.
Our notion of equality
Equality does not mean you do the same things. It does not mean you do everything equally. It is the option to choose.
You leverage what you are good at so that life is easier for both. Take ownership of things that you believe you are good at.
Fights happen. Disagreements happen. Sometimes it takes longer to solve, sometimes it ends up in a fistfight(Yes!).
The key is not letting those fights last longer than a few hours. Sometimes, we do crazy things for dumb reasons.
Find each other’s strengths
Among the imperfections, everyone is gifted with strengths. The key is identifying these strengths early, using those to propel each other forward in life.
Be the biggest cheerleader to your partner. Help them achieve their dreams, guide them, support them, lift them.
Be each other’s hero. A relationship is a strange thing. There may be bumps along the way, but we still find ways to hang in there. And that is what makes a life worth living.